La haine dans le couple: ni avec toi, ni sans toi.

Translated title of the contribution: Hatred in the Couple: Neither with You, nor without You

Carlos Perez Testor, Montserrat Davins Pujols, Inés Aramburu Alegret, Berta Aznar Martínez

Research output: Indexed journal article Articlepeer-review


“Neither you nor without you there is remedy for my misfortune: with you because you kill me, without you because I die.” The feeling of hatred in relationships is addressed from a clinical vignette. Hatred is not the opposite of love. Love and hatred coexist in most couples. In the obsessive collusion the members of the couple do not tolerate living together but they cannot be separated, because that collusion is based on mutual control, ambivalent provocation and inseparable dependence. In many other situations and other types of collusions, couples can metabolize hatred and repair the harm done. Detecting whether the prevailing collusion is obsessive helps the clinician to understand why the couple has so many difficulties to introduce changes in their relationship, perpetuating and transmitting transgenerationally a destructive and pathological type of relation.
Translated title of the contributionHatred in the Couple: Neither with You, nor without You
Original languageFrench
Pages (from-to)153-164
Number of pages12
JournalLe Divan Familial. Revue de thérapie familiale psychanalytique
Issue number31
Publication statusPublished - 4 Sept 2013


  • Hatred
  • Collusion
  • Couple conflicts


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