La haine dans le couple: ni avec toi, ni sans toi.

“Neither you nor without you there is remedy for my misfortune: with you because you kill me, without you because I die.” The feeling of hatred in relationships is addressed from a clinical vignette. Hatred is not the opposite of love. Love and hatred coexist in most couples. In the obsessive collusion the members of the couple do not tolerate living together but they cannot be separated, because that collusion is based on mutual control, ambivalent provocation and inseparable dependence. In many other situations and other types of collusions, couples can metabolize hatred and repair the harm done. Detecting whether the prevailing collusion is obsessive helps the clinician to understand why the couple has so many difficulties to introduce changes in their relationship, perpetuating and transmitting transgenerationally a destructive and pathological type of relation.